"I did it My way"
By Osama
He was 14, but he was nothing like any other 14-year old kid in his class, he knew he was different, he knew something was wrong and he knew “he” was “wrong”, but that did not stop him from enjoying the taste of his sin. He allowed himself to look at his cute classmate, he allowed himself to drag him into his darkest fantasies. He looked him in the eyes without any shame, touched the few hairs he has on his arm, smelled his young-man essence at the gym, wrestled him and accidentally touched him...
He read how God will burn gays in hell, he listened to his family cursing gays whenever they’re mentioned on TV, he laughed when his friends at school made fun of gay guys. Yet, he masturbated thinking of his friend’s naked body before he slept.
He’s 22 now, enjoying his coffee with his friends who happen to be gay. He is still different. He is now a successful, well educated college student, his GPA is higher than most of his friends, he has a good job and making good money out of it, unlike most of his peers. He has a lot of friends who call him unique. He is known for his ability to see things from different views, understanding others, appreciating differences, handling pressure and proving himself day by day. However, only he knows that what made him different when he was 14 is the same thing that makes him different today.
One time when he was with his friends, one asked “if there is a pill that can make you go straight, would you take it?” He was shocked by the number of people answered yes! It was the vast majority! There he was, looking at people who refuse the specialty of being one of the 10% of the population; (According to OC magazine’s universal statistic method in the article ‘Mithly Mithlak’), they can’t see the uniqueness of it, and they’d rather live the same way others live!
Somehow, he saw in their frustrated eyes himself when he was 14, when his life and his ideals did not match at all! Why? Why do you have to live your life adopting concepts and principles that you know you will never satisfy? Why putting yourself in this stress and this feel of guilt? Furthermore, these concepts are often mistaken and based on perfect scenarios, so they are not only self-destructing; they are also not always true!
'... not ever old gay man is desperate, lonely and feels worthless... there are many successful, satisfied and full of life gay people in their 60's... '
Now one of the most common false ideas in my opinion is the idea that gay people will have terrible lonely lives when they’re at an older stage; and that assumption is compared against the ideal situation of a heterosexual guy who lives a happy life with his wife and kids like the family you see on your cereal pack every morning, but that is an ideal situation that shouldn’t necessarily happen, and most of the time it doesn’t. Now if you are a straight guy, you might get married and you might not, if you got married you might get along with your wife and you might not, if you got along, you might have kids and you might not, if you had kids they might be good and they might be not, if they were good they might live near you when you are old and they might not, if they do, you might be happy or you might be not! So it’s not always the case that every straight guy will have “the perfect life”, a wife and kids and be happy when he grows older. If you still have doubts, you can easily look at older straight men around you; your uncles for instance, are they all happy, satisfied and not feeling lonely?
On the other hand, not every old gay man is desperate, lonely and feeling worthless, probably the only older gay men you got in touch with are the men who are double your age and send you messages on your profile asking you to have sex with them! But again that is only one case; there are many successful, satisfied, and full of life gay people in their 60’s! One particular friend of mine invited me to his 60th birthday and his first anniversary with his boyfriend a month ago, he has just resigned from his job, he has the money, and he is planning to cruise Europe in the coming year.
Now I don’t deny that the overall of stability in a hetro-relation are higher than the homo ones, but I simply think that it is because gays are more free to choose than married straight couples. If a gay guy feels he is not happy in a relationship, he ends it! Because he knows he can be in a better situation, while it’s not the case for a straight man or a woman, before ending a marriage they think of the family, children, reputation, money, social status, work…etc, leading him/her to stay unwillingly in a relationship, and it could change to a better ground! Furthermore, long term gay relationships are not that rare, we all know a few couples around us who’re in a long term relationships, and I’m sure if you are looking for one at some point in your life and want to put effort into it you will find someone who is looking for the exact same thing.
When you grow older, you are not growing old alone! It’s not going to be you in the age of 60 surrounded by teenagers; your friends, lovers and ex’s will all grow old with you, so it won’t feel that awkward. It’s true that kids do make your life more cheerful and makes you feel that you have a continuity in life, but as gays, we have to be proud that we are a good natural phenomenon for earth, we live in a planet that suffers from a population boom and a severe consumption of natural resources where gays represent ideal inhabitants for planet earth at this age, a way of balance, they also do a great humanitarian act adopting kids instead of giving birth to new ones. The need of the continuity feeling in gay people can be satisfied by deeds rather than kids, and that explains the huge number of great gay people.
When you grow older, it will surely feel that you are in the last quarter of your life, but that feeling occurs to anyone who is growing older, straight or gay! The trick is to live your life the way you want and do things that will make you proud, so when you reach that age you can feel satisfied and say this is how I want to be remembered.
Read more articles for Osama:
-Check article “Yelp Yourself”, convo made into article on a straight guy trying to help gays get to the straightway. The July Issue of 2009 (here>)
- Article “Positive for 24 hours” discusses the inner battle of spending a day at the clinic due to previous practices of unsafe sex. The August Issue of 2009 (here>)
On the other hand, not every old gay man is desperate, lonely and feeling worthless, probably the only older gay men you got in touch with are the men who are double your age and send you messages on your profile asking you to have sex with them! But again that is only one case; there are many successful, satisfied, and full of life gay people in their 60’s! One particular friend of mine invited me to his 60th birthday and his first anniversary with his boyfriend a month ago, he has just resigned from his job, he has the money, and he is planning to cruise Europe in the coming year.
Now I don’t deny that the overall of stability in a hetro-relation are higher than the homo ones, but I simply think that it is because gays are more free to choose than married straight couples. If a gay guy feels he is not happy in a relationship, he ends it! Because he knows he can be in a better situation, while it’s not the case for a straight man or a woman, before ending a marriage they think of the family, children, reputation, money, social status, work…etc, leading him/her to stay unwillingly in a relationship, and it could change to a better ground! Furthermore, long term gay relationships are not that rare, we all know a few couples around us who’re in a long term relationships, and I’m sure if you are looking for one at some point in your life and want to put effort into it you will find someone who is looking for the exact same thing.
When you grow older, you are not growing old alone! It’s not going to be you in the age of 60 surrounded by teenagers; your friends, lovers and ex’s will all grow old with you, so it won’t feel that awkward. It’s true that kids do make your life more cheerful and makes you feel that you have a continuity in life, but as gays, we have to be proud that we are a good natural phenomenon for earth, we live in a planet that suffers from a population boom and a severe consumption of natural resources where gays represent ideal inhabitants for planet earth at this age, a way of balance, they also do a great humanitarian act adopting kids instead of giving birth to new ones. The need of the continuity feeling in gay people can be satisfied by deeds rather than kids, and that explains the huge number of great gay people.
When you grow older, it will surely feel that you are in the last quarter of your life, but that feeling occurs to anyone who is growing older, straight or gay! The trick is to live your life the way you want and do things that will make you proud, so when you reach that age you can feel satisfied and say this is how I want to be remembered.
Read more articles for Osama:
-Check article “Yelp Yourself”, convo made into article on a straight guy trying to help gays get to the straightway. The July Issue of 2009 (here>)
- Article “Positive for 24 hours” discusses the inner battle of spending a day at the clinic due to previous practices of unsafe sex. The August Issue of 2009 (here>)