On the other hand, many individuals still refuse to affiliate themselves with the LGBT community even though they are MSM and WSW. In a thread that was posted online by gay westerners who recall their sexual experiences with men in the Middle East, an American gay man wrote about a night with an Arab man in the UAE (United Arab Emirates): “At first I just asked him a few questions about what he was into. When I asked what it was like to be gay in the UAE, the replied, "LOL...I'm not gay...I'm a top… I will say, I've never been very patriotic but the experience left me so paranoid that I had a newfound appreciation for being gay in the US. We still have a long way to go but at least I don't live in fear of some police force hunting me down."
Another wrote about a sexual experience with a Saudi Prince “When I mentioned something one day about him being gay, he got really pissed off and denied being gay. I wasn't going to argue with him. After all, who else was he going to have sex with? If he got caught having sex with a woman without being married, he ran the risk of prison, or worse.”
After reading these two stories, I came to the conclusion that perhaps the word ‘gay’ means different things other than what I have always thought it mean – men who have sex with men. It was an identity rather than just a sexual activity and that acknowledgement itself gave great insight into my own development as a gay man.
While I have earlier explained that it is difficult, due to the lack of research, to explain why many MSM and WSM refuse to label to themselves, acquiring a gay or lesbian identity in a very cultural and legislatively conservative region, can be quite difficult and life threatening. While in other cases, there might be other reasons. One needs to acknowledge as David Duberman says in 'Left Out', “Today, to speak with surety about a matter for which there is absolutely no statistical evidence, more adolescent male butts are being penetrated in the Arab world, Latin American, North Africa and Southeast Asia then in the west. But the notion of a gay “identity” rarely accompanies such sexual acts, nor do political movements arise to make demands in the name of that identity.”
Sexual identity after all is different from sexual activity. Pre-agreed upon labels are not for everyone.
Another wrote about a sexual experience with a Saudi Prince “When I mentioned something one day about him being gay, he got really pissed off and denied being gay. I wasn't going to argue with him. After all, who else was he going to have sex with? If he got caught having sex with a woman without being married, he ran the risk of prison, or worse.”
After reading these two stories, I came to the conclusion that perhaps the word ‘gay’ means different things other than what I have always thought it mean – men who have sex with men. It was an identity rather than just a sexual activity and that acknowledgement itself gave great insight into my own development as a gay man.
While I have earlier explained that it is difficult, due to the lack of research, to explain why many MSM and WSM refuse to label to themselves, acquiring a gay or lesbian identity in a very cultural and legislatively conservative region, can be quite difficult and life threatening. While in other cases, there might be other reasons. One needs to acknowledge as David Duberman says in 'Left Out', “Today, to speak with surety about a matter for which there is absolutely no statistical evidence, more adolescent male butts are being penetrated in the Arab world, Latin American, North Africa and Southeast Asia then in the west. But the notion of a gay “identity” rarely accompanies such sexual acts, nor do political movements arise to make demands in the name of that identity.”
Sexual identity after all is different from sexual activity. Pre-agreed upon labels are not for everyone.