Secret Society
Gaining the confidence of a different community in Amman took time. They were careful, weary, apprehensive… But perhaps this is understandable. By Susana Mendoza
Being identified as a lesbian in Jordan is the ultimate taboo, yet female ho9mosexula behavior maybe present in every culture, although the concept of a lesbian as a woman who pairs exclusively with other women is not. Attitudes about female homosexual behavior are dependent upon women’s roles in each society and each culture’s definition of sex. Traditionally, women in the Middle East have been segregated from men, which many theorists purport as the tendency for them seek “comfort” in the arms of the same sex, as this is the gender they have access to.
Although many of us are aware that there is a certain lesbian community in the center of the city, accessing this clandestine society is a completely different story. Initially, none of the women I approached attempted to confirm, deny, or even point me in the general direction. Nonetheless, I endeavored to continue permeate the walls of this secret culture, and began with a single step – I went online and found Jordan’s very own gay magazine My.Kali. It was through this website that I established contact with my first interviewee Zain (the name she goes by in the lesbian scene) who does not fit the stereotype at all. Stylish, completely made up, and very feminine, she says she has to keep up appearances to conceal her sexual identity. “I have to look as feminine as I can so as not to raise any suspicions,” she explains. “My family is extremely homophobic.” When asked how her family would react if she was outed, Zain draws a half smile, “That will not happen. My family cannot even tolerate gay celebrities on TV.” She somberly adds, “I know if they found out I would face innumerable problems.”
Some of these tribulations, explains Alexis (who is another prominent member of the lesbian scene in Amman) in a spate interview, may range from “being locked in your room to going to therapy with a psychiatrist who will give you medication to make you go back to ‘normal’.” Alexis shares that her experience was so trying that she attempted to flee to a neighboring country out of fear that her very religious family might discover her sexual preference for women. “It wasn’t only that my friends threatened to out me, it was also because I couldn’t stand the lack of freedom I had in my house. As a woman you cannot do anything, let alone feel in love fall in love with someone of the same gender.”
Alexis decided against running away, but only after her father promised that he would not harm her. “He let me come back home because he is a really religious man, but I would never dream of telling him that I’m a lesbian; my family would send me to therapy for sure.” She explains by adding, “Many people believe homosexuality can be ‘cured’ with pills and treatment. As if pills have anything to do with this – it’s not a fever!”
According to Dr. Hassan Abdessamad, an Ob/Gyn in Bierue, lesbians and bisexual women are oftentimes alienated from the health care system in this region, “Some physicians still believe lesbianism is a mental disorder, even 15 years after the world Health Organization removed homosexuality from its list of mental illness.” In recent years, researches who suspected that lesbianism is inborn – whether because of genetics or events happening in the womb – have looked everywhere for clues: from prenatal hormones to birth order, and even finger length and fingerprints. According to researchers at University College London (UCL), a facility ranked fourth in the world, the main reasons that an individual develops a lesbian orientation include genetic and environmental factors, likely in combination. Other factors that may play a role include prenatal hormone exposure, where hormones play a role in determining sexual orientation as they do with sex differentiation, and prenatal stress on the mother. “I really think it’s something to do with the natural neuro-chemical development of the individual’s brain quite early on,” says Professor Michael King, head of the Research Department of Mental Health Sciences at UCL. “The conclusion reached by scientists who have investigated the origins and stability of sexual orientation is that it is human characteristic that is formed early in life, and is resistant to change.”
For Maya, the biggest problem homosexuals face is fear from their own families and the sense of shame the community would impose on them. “It is the fear that suppresses us from creating a visible community that can help others find the comfort, support, and understanding necessarily,” she imparts. Recalling how confused and lonely she felt, she tells of her struggle: “When I was in university I didn’t understand what was happening. I thought there was something wrong with me until I met other people who showed me it was ok to have these feelings.”
Being identified as a lesbian in Jordan is the ultimate taboo, yet female ho9mosexula behavior maybe present in every culture, although the concept of a lesbian as a woman who pairs exclusively with other women is not. Attitudes about female homosexual behavior are dependent upon women’s roles in each society and each culture’s definition of sex. Traditionally, women in the Middle East have been segregated from men, which many theorists purport as the tendency for them seek “comfort” in the arms of the same sex, as this is the gender they have access to.
Although many of us are aware that there is a certain lesbian community in the center of the city, accessing this clandestine society is a completely different story. Initially, none of the women I approached attempted to confirm, deny, or even point me in the general direction. Nonetheless, I endeavored to continue permeate the walls of this secret culture, and began with a single step – I went online and found Jordan’s very own gay magazine My.Kali. It was through this website that I established contact with my first interviewee Zain (the name she goes by in the lesbian scene) who does not fit the stereotype at all. Stylish, completely made up, and very feminine, she says she has to keep up appearances to conceal her sexual identity. “I have to look as feminine as I can so as not to raise any suspicions,” she explains. “My family is extremely homophobic.” When asked how her family would react if she was outed, Zain draws a half smile, “That will not happen. My family cannot even tolerate gay celebrities on TV.” She somberly adds, “I know if they found out I would face innumerable problems.”
Some of these tribulations, explains Alexis (who is another prominent member of the lesbian scene in Amman) in a spate interview, may range from “being locked in your room to going to therapy with a psychiatrist who will give you medication to make you go back to ‘normal’.” Alexis shares that her experience was so trying that she attempted to flee to a neighboring country out of fear that her very religious family might discover her sexual preference for women. “It wasn’t only that my friends threatened to out me, it was also because I couldn’t stand the lack of freedom I had in my house. As a woman you cannot do anything, let alone feel in love fall in love with someone of the same gender.”
Alexis decided against running away, but only after her father promised that he would not harm her. “He let me come back home because he is a really religious man, but I would never dream of telling him that I’m a lesbian; my family would send me to therapy for sure.” She explains by adding, “Many people believe homosexuality can be ‘cured’ with pills and treatment. As if pills have anything to do with this – it’s not a fever!”
According to Dr. Hassan Abdessamad, an Ob/Gyn in Bierue, lesbians and bisexual women are oftentimes alienated from the health care system in this region, “Some physicians still believe lesbianism is a mental disorder, even 15 years after the world Health Organization removed homosexuality from its list of mental illness.” In recent years, researches who suspected that lesbianism is inborn – whether because of genetics or events happening in the womb – have looked everywhere for clues: from prenatal hormones to birth order, and even finger length and fingerprints. According to researchers at University College London (UCL), a facility ranked fourth in the world, the main reasons that an individual develops a lesbian orientation include genetic and environmental factors, likely in combination. Other factors that may play a role include prenatal hormone exposure, where hormones play a role in determining sexual orientation as they do with sex differentiation, and prenatal stress on the mother. “I really think it’s something to do with the natural neuro-chemical development of the individual’s brain quite early on,” says Professor Michael King, head of the Research Department of Mental Health Sciences at UCL. “The conclusion reached by scientists who have investigated the origins and stability of sexual orientation is that it is human characteristic that is formed early in life, and is resistant to change.”
For Maya, the biggest problem homosexuals face is fear from their own families and the sense of shame the community would impose on them. “It is the fear that suppresses us from creating a visible community that can help others find the comfort, support, and understanding necessarily,” she imparts. Recalling how confused and lonely she felt, she tells of her struggle: “When I was in university I didn’t understand what was happening. I thought there was something wrong with me until I met other people who showed me it was ok to have these feelings.”