It is this fear that brought many girls together in the anonymity of cyberspace, where the threat exposure was at least minimal. Without a strong community and no chance of starting an organization to unite them, they turned to popular social networks, constructing a space outside the heterosexual mainstream – a space where they could find temporary refuge. “I created a group on Facebook called Gaydar Girls that became very popular,” says Zein. “I began to accept myself more once I started discovering how big the lesbian community really is.” Even online, these girls are not safe and tales of hacking and threatening emails are not uncommon. “One incident had us worried. We thought the hackers would tell our families or blackmail us,” says Zein.
In this secretive society, the whispers of the younger affiliate are audible. At ease with her sexuality, Alexis tells me that she always liked girls. “I’ve never, ever felt ashamed,” she insists cheerfully, adding “By no means did I doubt my emotions or feel confused about my sexual identity. Why would I? There’s nothing wrong with it.” But she is still young and I wonder if this is perhaps a “phase”. Youth is a time for experimentation, and so how can anyone be so sure about anything at such a young age?
Nevertheless, there is one issue that the three of them will have to face at some point – the age-old question of marriage. “I did feel the pressure to get married, and everyone was asking me time and again when I would find ‘ibin el-halal’ so to speak,” says Zein, “but I always said I wanted to focus on my career.” For now, her family has left her alone. “There are a lot of spinsters in my family, so they are starting to grow tired of asking.” Maya actually called her family’s bluff and was engaged to a man when she was younger. However, she eventually realized she could no longer lie to herself and marry some she did not desire. “I was confused and although I liked him, I saw him as a friend and I was not physically attracted to him at all.” In contrast, Maya is toying with one idea “if I have to, I will marry a gay man from the community, and that way we will help each other. It’s not an uncommon solution and will give us both the freedom we long for,” she states. In her house, Maya lives in a very paradoxical situation. Being very traditional, her father is happy that she is not dating boys, but she has her girlfriend over at her house constantly. “he has no idea and continues to live happily,” smiles Maya. “My mother is 99 percent sure I am a lesbian; the remaining one percent is denial.”
In this secretive society, the whispers of the younger affiliate are audible. At ease with her sexuality, Alexis tells me that she always liked girls. “I’ve never, ever felt ashamed,” she insists cheerfully, adding “By no means did I doubt my emotions or feel confused about my sexual identity. Why would I? There’s nothing wrong with it.” But she is still young and I wonder if this is perhaps a “phase”. Youth is a time for experimentation, and so how can anyone be so sure about anything at such a young age?
Nevertheless, there is one issue that the three of them will have to face at some point – the age-old question of marriage. “I did feel the pressure to get married, and everyone was asking me time and again when I would find ‘ibin el-halal’ so to speak,” says Zein, “but I always said I wanted to focus on my career.” For now, her family has left her alone. “There are a lot of spinsters in my family, so they are starting to grow tired of asking.” Maya actually called her family’s bluff and was engaged to a man when she was younger. However, she eventually realized she could no longer lie to herself and marry some she did not desire. “I was confused and although I liked him, I saw him as a friend and I was not physically attracted to him at all.” In contrast, Maya is toying with one idea “if I have to, I will marry a gay man from the community, and that way we will help each other. It’s not an uncommon solution and will give us both the freedom we long for,” she states. In her house, Maya lives in a very paradoxical situation. Being very traditional, her father is happy that she is not dating boys, but she has her girlfriend over at her house constantly. “he has no idea and continues to live happily,” smiles Maya. “My mother is 99 percent sure I am a lesbian; the remaining one percent is denial.”
"As a woman you cannot do anything, let alone fall in love with someone"
Some may know the meaning of the word lesbian, though very cannot actually comprehend the practical aspect of it. “My mom has no idea what being a lesbian is,” continues Maya. “She knows I fall in love with girls, but she can’t comprehend the ‘technical’ aspect of it.”
Interviewed first separately, and then together, all three women wanted to speak out to defend themselves from the debauched image of their society that is portrayed in the media. “This is one of the reasons we accepted to be interviewed, because we are concerned about his issue and we want to prove that we are normal people with feelings and hopes and dreams,” a teary-eyed Zein discloses.
“The media here continually conveys such negative messages,” complains Maya. “They say that people are gay because they were abused as children, and try to make us look as if we are mentally ill. Personally, think they are just afraid of us because they have no idea how we live or who we are.” Demonized in society as a whole, they feel most of the information about homosexuals is manipulated to send a prejudiced message to the public. “If they knew us before judging us, they would change their minds,” says Alexis.”We are not the drug addicts and freaks they make us out to be, and we are certainly not going around harassing women.”
Knowing their victories will be taxing, they are prepared to face many battles to win the war; to show the public that they are not the deviants the media makes them out to be. “I always say that there are two kinds of families here; the ones like mine, who don’t really know what being a lesbian is and all the ones who know what it really means and very homophobic,” stresses Maya. “We know we have to be very careful about being flamboyant or flashy about our emotions,” Zein says, “because we understand in what part of the world we live, and we cannot force an issue people may need more time to be able to accept.” “I would just like to point out,” says Alexis, “that being a lesbian is only a small part of who I am; I am so much more. And when people know me before being aware of my sexual orientation they have no problem accepting me.”
“We have a big lesbian community. Whether people like it or not,” claims Zein. “We are happy, sad, we go to work, we fall in love, and we live just like everybody else.”
Interviewed first separately, and then together, all three women wanted to speak out to defend themselves from the debauched image of their society that is portrayed in the media. “This is one of the reasons we accepted to be interviewed, because we are concerned about his issue and we want to prove that we are normal people with feelings and hopes and dreams,” a teary-eyed Zein discloses.
“The media here continually conveys such negative messages,” complains Maya. “They say that people are gay because they were abused as children, and try to make us look as if we are mentally ill. Personally, think they are just afraid of us because they have no idea how we live or who we are.” Demonized in society as a whole, they feel most of the information about homosexuals is manipulated to send a prejudiced message to the public. “If they knew us before judging us, they would change their minds,” says Alexis.”We are not the drug addicts and freaks they make us out to be, and we are certainly not going around harassing women.”
Knowing their victories will be taxing, they are prepared to face many battles to win the war; to show the public that they are not the deviants the media makes them out to be. “I always say that there are two kinds of families here; the ones like mine, who don’t really know what being a lesbian is and all the ones who know what it really means and very homophobic,” stresses Maya. “We know we have to be very careful about being flamboyant or flashy about our emotions,” Zein says, “because we understand in what part of the world we live, and we cannot force an issue people may need more time to be able to accept.” “I would just like to point out,” says Alexis, “that being a lesbian is only a small part of who I am; I am so much more. And when people know me before being aware of my sexual orientation they have no problem accepting me.”
“We have a big lesbian community. Whether people like it or not,” claims Zein. “We are happy, sad, we go to work, we fall in love, and we live just like everybody else.”
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Where The Story Came From
The story of "Secret Society" is from the June 2010 issue of Living Well magazine, Jo edition; in English. We'd like to notify that we're giving the credits of the story to the original publishers the way it should be, but we published one copy of the story for it's contents on an LGBT issue that might concern our readers and seek them help when they look for it, finding more LGBT-common related issues that helps other LGBT people relate.