.
Honestly, I expected to meet a diva today. You have proven otherwise, you are very down to earth, honest and warm
I am just honest. I cry, I laugh and I dance just like anyone else. I carry a lot of pain inside. Till this day when I want to live my life and do what I want I have to fight with my family and hear something about it from everybody. I continue to live, because it is my right to live this way.
I told you, that after all this exhaustion, I tried to kill myself again. But at the end of it I think, if I died now what would I accomplish.
(fine-sweep! Picture above: Sarab is wearing a Karen Millen tulle body-hugging cocktail dress paired with vintage earnings.)
Okay, like I told you when we sat down, we want to get to know the real you. How does Sarab identify herself, who are you?
I am transgendered, as you say. In the US they consider the word "shemale" as a negative thing. I am transgendered, but here we call it shemale.
How does your identity affect your movement or travel?
I always have a hard time at the airport. The problem is the name in my passport is male. They ask me if I am a man or a woman. They get confused when it is time for me to get searched. They call me “mam”, but see a male name on my passport. So they mistreat me and embarrass me in front of the other passengers.
How do you feel at those moments?
I feel like sh*t, of course. Jordan is different than Turkey for example. They respect me and bring a woman to search me. They know I’m a shemale and they don’t harass me about it. There is a different level of respect abroad.
Our vision after knowing we would interview you is that we could finally print a story that could make others going through similar experiences feel that they are not alone. The loneliness we all felt when we were young. How would you want a young girl/boy in Karak or Irbid or even in Kuwait or Tunisia to feel when they read this interview?
I felt like I was the only one for a long time. I would love for someone to see this article and see someone who they can relate to, someone that made it. Hopefully they can find power in that.
On the topic of being a young girl, did you have any crushes growing up? We want to know about Sarab’s first love!
My first true love is my husband now. Every love has its time though. If we really wanted to talk about innocent love, I remember being in 4th grade and having crushes on boys. There was an older boy I had an innocent crush on when I was about 12. It ended in heart break because of my family. I gave him my phone number on the bus one day after school. That evening he called my house and my sister answered. My father filed a complaint against him at school and at the police station. He was kicked out of school, and banned from most of the schools in Kuwait because of the accusation. We never really spoke again.
That was my first innocent love. Back then we actually loved.
Sarab, we know that a lot of known newspapers and television stations have contacted you for interviews.
Yes and I refused, because I don’t want to be shot in the street!
Why do you want to be interviewed now? Why My.Kali?
This is different. This is an online magazine dedicated to LGBT readers, this is inspiring. However, it is not television that will display me as a freak. I was asked to be on well-known television stations. I never understood why honestly. I guess they want to know about how I live, what I do, how my life in Jordan is.
Did you feel more comfortable giving an interview to My.Kali because it's a magazine that identifies with the queer community?
Yes! I hate to be seen on TV as a freak. I am not for display.
When did people start hearing about Sarab? How did you enter the LGBTQ “scene” in Amman?
People heard about me because I am myself and I am straightforward. People started hearing that Sarab is the first person to dress as a woman and sit in a coffee shop. Back in 08, a known queer club called RGB approached me to do a show.
How did RGB hear about you?
I frequented the club and so the owners approached me to do a show and I created 'The Sarab Show'. I did about 9 shows...
I am just honest. I cry, I laugh and I dance just like anyone else. I carry a lot of pain inside. Till this day when I want to live my life and do what I want I have to fight with my family and hear something about it from everybody. I continue to live, because it is my right to live this way.
I told you, that after all this exhaustion, I tried to kill myself again. But at the end of it I think, if I died now what would I accomplish.
(fine-sweep! Picture above: Sarab is wearing a Karen Millen tulle body-hugging cocktail dress paired with vintage earnings.)
Okay, like I told you when we sat down, we want to get to know the real you. How does Sarab identify herself, who are you?
I am transgendered, as you say. In the US they consider the word "shemale" as a negative thing. I am transgendered, but here we call it shemale.
How does your identity affect your movement or travel?
I always have a hard time at the airport. The problem is the name in my passport is male. They ask me if I am a man or a woman. They get confused when it is time for me to get searched. They call me “mam”, but see a male name on my passport. So they mistreat me and embarrass me in front of the other passengers.
How do you feel at those moments?
I feel like sh*t, of course. Jordan is different than Turkey for example. They respect me and bring a woman to search me. They know I’m a shemale and they don’t harass me about it. There is a different level of respect abroad.
Our vision after knowing we would interview you is that we could finally print a story that could make others going through similar experiences feel that they are not alone. The loneliness we all felt when we were young. How would you want a young girl/boy in Karak or Irbid or even in Kuwait or Tunisia to feel when they read this interview?
I felt like I was the only one for a long time. I would love for someone to see this article and see someone who they can relate to, someone that made it. Hopefully they can find power in that.
On the topic of being a young girl, did you have any crushes growing up? We want to know about Sarab’s first love!
My first true love is my husband now. Every love has its time though. If we really wanted to talk about innocent love, I remember being in 4th grade and having crushes on boys. There was an older boy I had an innocent crush on when I was about 12. It ended in heart break because of my family. I gave him my phone number on the bus one day after school. That evening he called my house and my sister answered. My father filed a complaint against him at school and at the police station. He was kicked out of school, and banned from most of the schools in Kuwait because of the accusation. We never really spoke again.
That was my first innocent love. Back then we actually loved.
Sarab, we know that a lot of known newspapers and television stations have contacted you for interviews.
Yes and I refused, because I don’t want to be shot in the street!
Why do you want to be interviewed now? Why My.Kali?
This is different. This is an online magazine dedicated to LGBT readers, this is inspiring. However, it is not television that will display me as a freak. I was asked to be on well-known television stations. I never understood why honestly. I guess they want to know about how I live, what I do, how my life in Jordan is.
Did you feel more comfortable giving an interview to My.Kali because it's a magazine that identifies with the queer community?
Yes! I hate to be seen on TV as a freak. I am not for display.
When did people start hearing about Sarab? How did you enter the LGBTQ “scene” in Amman?
People heard about me because I am myself and I am straightforward. People started hearing that Sarab is the first person to dress as a woman and sit in a coffee shop. Back in 08, a known queer club called RGB approached me to do a show.
How did RGB hear about you?
I frequented the club and so the owners approached me to do a show and I created 'The Sarab Show'. I did about 9 shows...
"I told them I refuse to change who I was, so my uncle stood up and pointed a gun at me. Imagine, I am facing a bunch of crazy and extremely religious men. Religious the way they choose to interpret..."
Other than the RGB show, did you have any other jobs/work in Amman?
I owned an accessory shop for a short time, near the 7th circle. I had to close it because of the fuss and people bothering me. People would come to the store, pretend to want to purchase something and just stare at me. There were also good moments when gays would come and visit the store. They would talk to me and want to take pictures with me. That made me happy.
In the end I had to close the store because of the harassment. I can’t even work if I wanted to.
Why did you not hide like others who are in your situation?
This is my life. This is who I am. I want to wear a dress and go to a restaurant just like anyone else. Even though I have been and am harassed and assaulted in the streets because of it.
Every woman gets harassed in the streets. Do you think it’s the same for you or is it different?
Yes, women get the occasional whistle or cat call in the streets. It is much different for me. Men would follow me and call me names like faggot. They would tell me that I am a sinner and threatened me. They used words that really wounds…
What would you do in those situations?
I am the type of woman that doesn’t sit quietly for it. I would always yell back and defend myself. Tell them it’s none of their business. Emotionally though, I get tired.