Searching For An Invisable
On one-sided love
By: M.J. Rahahleh
We as humans are created to feel, love and be loved; it’s the profound reason of our existence. None of us can go through life depending solely on themselves without the love of family, friends, and most important, a significant one. This need for a significant one puts you on a constant search, and eventually meeting this special person. Beats of the heart rise, intensified thoughts and the well known ‘butterflies down the stomach’ feeling, that’s all for your side, but what’s going on there on the other side? Nothing! And your feelings might remain unknown for a certain reason. It might be the fear of rejection and ultimately losing this special someone (which, at most cases, is a close friend). While those feelings remain unknown, and you imagine you’re strong enough to hide them for quite a while, they start eating you up inside, you grow weary of consequences if they found out, how’d they react, etc…
But should a ‘one sided love’ be called ‘love’ in the first place? One sided love isn’t really love… love is all about mutualism, to give and to receive, when all you get in exchange for your emotions and love is aggravated hollow responses, that’s no love. It’s just an emotional drain, set to constantly devour and feed on your fragile emotions that can’t even stand this un-existing relationship. People often seem to combine old-fashioned "sacrificing in the name of love" with nowadays freedoms, pursuing the objects of their affection with abandon, like obsessed Sadie Hawkins characters. And often, people in the throes of one-sided love no longer have lives; they gave them up a long time ago in the pursuit of Mr. or Ms. Unappreciative.
You might keep asking yourself ‘Where the heck did I go wrong?’ Constantly thinking about all those moments that you wasted without telling this person, whatever life you’re supposed to have with them, what’s wrong with your looks or personality or both that doesn’t make them attracted to you just like you’re attracted to them? Constant weary questions like ‘was I too friendly?’ or ‘did I give off the wrong signals?’ constantly grow, you might do things you’ve never imagined you’d do for this meridian of thorns. Who doesn't identify Morales, the Bronx-born hoofer, in ‘Chorus Line’ when she sings “What I did for love?” Who doesn't cringe with recalled humiliation? Is there anyone over twenty who hasn't done embarrassing things in the name of love?
And in the shadow of those juvenile-alike acts, feelings of shame, guilt, and common sense go out from the window. When this person doesn’t respond, you change yourself to what you think they want. When they grant you occasional tidbits of time or affection, you react like a wiggling puppy dog. Your self-esteem crumbles until finally you realize you've wasted months or years of your life in this mania of drained affection.
Being in one sided love is one of the hardest things ever one can go through, who was unfortunate enough to be in such situation must’ve felt the neglecting, ignorance, hurtful emotions, the shattered dreams of a conjoined future that will never come, the everlasting false hope of getting together, constantly fantasizing about how’d it be like and how’s it going to feel like is a huge sign of the “fakin’ it” phase. The solution: Snap out of it! It ain’t going to happen, if it was supposed to happen, it would’ve already happened a long time ago when those feelings started to grow inside of YOU.
Now it’s a time for a little test, see if you pass the bar: are you in a one side love? If the following applies, then you are:
·You feel desperate for their love.
·They take you for granted.
·You make all the plans, call most of the time, and buy all
·You get back from them just a miserable fraction of what
·You're constantly worried about losing them.
Accepting the message is difficult, and it’s pretty much like the broken popcorn machine story, which goes like this:
A boy gets a coin from his mother for popcorn but comes back empty-handed, so his mother walks over to the machine to help. She is careful to put the right coin in the right slot, and she even shakes the machine, but no popcorn comes out. She turns away but he pulls her back, his heart set on popcorn. “The popcorn is right there” he cries, “I can see it, and we put the money in, so why can't you do something to get it?” The mother explains: “I'm afraid there's nothing you can do and nothing I can do; the machine is broken and the only one who can fix it is a popcorn machine repairman”
So, your numb-acting partner is pretty much like that broken popcorn machine, you keep on putting your coins and get scrap in return, this is one popcorn machine you can't fix (and probably no one can!), just like you can’t cure an alcoholic (not by you…but by pros) or a drug addict, just put the loss behind you and get on with your life.
Now the real question is: Can you get over a one side love? The easiest answer might be ‘Just stay in love and hide your emotions’, well guess what, it’s not! The (other) simple answer is “there are other fish in the sea”. Although it may seem like they are the only one for you and you will always be attracted to them in every way possible, before you know it you will completely forget about them and find someone else who is very similar and even more compatible for you.
Watch & Learn!
(Up); In the Movie “The Holiday” the story starts with Kate Winalet… After 3 years of an on-again off-again relationship, Iris (Kate Winslet) is still in love with Jasper Bloom (Rufus Sewell), her co-worker at a London newspaper, despite his infidelity and exploitation of her feelings. However, during her company's Christmas party, Jasper announces that he is now engaged to Sarah Smith-Alcott, the woman with whom he cheated on Iris, and Iris is crushed.
(Up); In the movie “The Talented Mr. Ripley”, Tom Ripley (Matt Damon) gets paid by the father of Dickie Greenleaf (Jude Law) to go to Italy and pursued him to get back to US…Shortly after his arrival in Italy, Ripley meets Dickie and his girlfriend, Marge (Gwyneth Paltrow), and quickly ingratiates himself into their lives. Over time Dickie begins to tire of his new friend, resenting Ripley's constant presence and growing dependence, especially after he learns that Tom has been lying about their days together at Princeton. Ripley's feelings are complicated by his desire to maintain the wealthy lifestyle Greenleaf has afforded him, and by his growing sexual obsession with his new friend; Dickie, that grew to a crush.