Is she or is he? That’s what Max Jamie is trying to do! Screw up your mind by giving you the impression of a super girl but a super man as well. Emotional foosball she is, with the tendency to wear red lipstick in occasions were she feels femme enough to go for it, yet, the girl-going-guy for you, playing something totally un-gay…say football! Max, 19, just like on our worst days, feeling stuck in a circle where we can’t get out of the loop, there comes Max, stuck inside the indigo-girl persona, confused on whether to be a butchy-lesbo or a tranny going guy, so she came up with a logo for her undecided life; “Transbutch” which you’re welcome to enter any time soon, just let her know whenever you have the guts!
Loving this creature won’t be hard, cause whenever you hesitate she just run to you, rest her head on your lap, giving you a reason to play with her hair, so how would you refuse not to love a child-like act like her's. She’s just adorable. So besides being a writer, this person has a lot to say, so hear her out.
Tell us about your struggle on settling between choosing being a lesbian or a transgendered girl?
This struggle is a never ending on me. I still have no clue which 'side' am I going to pick, its very complicated. There are many times when I just feel like a man in touch with his feminine side, and other times when I feel just like a butch; lesbian, tough and a bit muscline.
Most of my friends address me as a man and see me as one, however, those who talk to me as a female, make me feel comfortable as well. I always joke about It, whenever someone askes me (what are you exactly?) I say, I am everything!
I guess this is how I see myself now, just both muscline and feminine, I definetly have both energies (and both hormones!) . However, I am still too young I guess. The recent change to my life was a woman. My Girlfriend definetly makes me feel like a woman, I love her and accept her love as a woman, and I am pretty much comfortable like that.
She always says that she sees the sensitive side of me, and she tricks me into being a woman!
I just can’t hold this question I’m dying to ask. Are you ashamed of having or showing boobs?
Well, umm, good question! I have had many issues bout my body in general. well, I look like a typical guy sometimes,and people address me as a guy (those who meet me briefly, a shop girl,a taxi driver..etc) but when they really look at my chest, they notice the difference! And its very embaressing! The funny thing is that my parents force me to wear a bra! So I would look like a girl! Its really amusing I think.
I think now that I accept my body much more than I did before, I guess in a huge way my gf made me accept it and love it, which I am forever grateful for that. Simply she loves the kitties!
Being in the fight of being either a lesbian or a transgendered girl, is all about loving girls eventually. How come-(and according to salacious gossip)-you got out of your busy-mind, and got yourself attracted to a gay guy? I mean talking about a serious twist here!
Haha, I didn't see that one coming. Our gay community transfers news faster than fire in a forrest. Well, It wasn't my fault he was too feminine! I only liked his feminine soul, and he liked me as a guy, it was really weird, I felt like I can be a bisexual guy (I used to identify myself as a 100% male) and we just hung out for a while, I was the typical guy, he was so femme. Nothing serious at all happened, we didn't go out on a date or anything it was just a liking, and it ended, basically because I love real women! And he likes real men!
What kind of relationships do you lead?
I used to be a player! Having open realtionships with many women as I can! But now, I just tend to look for settlement. Basicaly, I’ve tried every kind of relationship there is!
And now its just about time to settle down , with the woman I love, think about a family one day and such things.
I've had only two serious relationships and I just think a person should try all the options before settling down.
What do you provide in the relationship?
Umm, headaches?! I am not an easy person to be with at all! I am a very jealous lover and very moody, but I try as much as I can to be secure and provide a sense of security to my partner. I try to show my love and care in as many ways as I can, mostly writing!
I can be stressfull and I am tense most of the time, but behind all that, i can be really sensitive and cute in a childish way which makes my partner forgive me almost immediately
Tough future the LGBT community seeks, harder within such middle-eastern countries. What's your perspective on your future?
I want to continue my writing and take it seriously, even though I study engineering which I do not like at all . I see myself living in a more gay-friendly place maybe the States or England. I sure want to publish books, write in magazines and try my hardest to be someone famous.
From where do you get support? And in what did that help you?
My girlfriend, who always monitors my crazy actions and watches over me! She always inspires me, and brings out the best in me, she makes me feel like a better person, and she takes care of me when I am down.
Also my dearest gay friends, whom I consider is my true family, they've always been there for me, through my coming out and through everything.
I have a gay mom (she's not my biological mom, but she treats me like a daughter) who is always there for me, she's my angel, and without her I wouldn't be the person I am now, I long to make her forever proud.
'I look like a typical guy sometimes, but I can be really femme at times, I shift faces a lot! I have mutiple personalities, which I guess makes me intresting!'
What do you look up to and why?
I look up to have an effective role in the gay community and lead our way through acceptance. I am a rebel and I wish to make a change in the world, and try to show them what its like to be gay and to matter. I've been through a lot of things, and I want to share it with the LGTB community. I have finally accepted myself for who I am and who I want be, and it wasn't easy. Therefore, I want to help teach others how to accept themselves as well.
(According to your first article in My.Kali.mag: A Curssed Journey) you talked about going through suicide. How did you get through it? How did you handle the situation not going far?
Most gay people face their “coming out” in their own different way. I was too weak to stand up to it, so I saw death as my salvation, only it wasn't. I was on the edge of breaking down, but I was strong enough to ask someone for help, which at the time was my Ex (who is my best friend now) and my soulmate MJ., both of them did one hell of a job helping me get through it, and I look at it as a turning point in my life, to which I tell death, that its not my time yet. There's a quote that I love and it says :"Never knock on death's door! Ring the bell and run away, death really hates that!"
Suicide is an easy runaway from things,but it’s much better to be stronger and stand up to them, LOVE YOURSELF.
What do you feel about growing long hair, shaping your brows or shaving your legs? What does all that make you feel?
My hair is Ellen Degeneres’s kind of style. I dont like long hair in the first place to grow one. I shape my eyebrows because my parents force me to! And that goes for shaving as well, but after i met my current gf, I just do these things and I dont feel obliged to do them anymore. It makes me feel kind of feminine and proud. And it goes with the definition of a transbutch.
Dealing with your parents as an OUT girl must be the hardest job/position any Middle Eastern person could go through. Considering what you're going through, how are your parents are dealing with this? How is it for them? Did they come around?
I think they've developed some kind of immunity against the whole topic! Since I am very emotional, they stopped annoying me about it whenver I am down, because my first reaction is hurting myself. But once I am strong they open up the topic and get on my nerves. My mum still have hope that i’ll straighten up someday, so does my dad. As time progresses they learn to live with it, not accept it, but ignore it.
What do you fight for in life? What do you stand for?
I fight for my identity and my community. I fight for whatever I believe in or whatever I set my mind to. I usually stand for the issues that matter the most to me, like gay rights (which is a huge deal for me).
-3 Famous gals you fancy and why?
My GF! No seriously. My role model,Ellen degeneres, Melissa etheridge and KD lang!
-Your favorite movie
Walk the line."
-your 2 prime habits
Writing writing writing!
-why do you like My.Kali.magazine?
Because its a place where i can express myself and be the writer I am. I consider it my own sancturay, where i can be free to write and to share my thoughts with the gay community. I love My.Kali.magazine because it represents a whole new world to the gay community, especially in an area like the Middle East, and because it represents a new thought, that being gay is ok and not rejected anymore, and that we’re out there and we matter.