Bow For The
Uncrowned Majesty!
On gay drama queens and the likes
Written and demonstrated By Julian Rahahleh (right>)
Once we hear the word ‘Drama queen’, we automatically jump to the bad image of the negative label that describes someone who is over-emotional, irrational and over-the-top with their reactions and interpretations of events. That’s one way to look at it, but drama queens often describe themselves as very passionate and sensitive, they communicate in an over magnified, exaggerated, out of proportion way, with a touch of ‘unique’ characteristics like extreme sensitivity, jumping to negative conclusions, thinking the worst about everything, moody, prone to overreacting, taking things out of context, impulsive, flamboyant, and the list goes on. These are, of course, stereotypical qualities that apply in general; however, the defining feature would be the exaggerated sense of being simply reactive. Drama queens kind of people share common distorted thinking styles that lend them to react to situations the way they do, namely catastrophizing; creating worst-case scenarios, and mindreading by assuming they know what others are thinking without having the evidence to back it up, or black-and-white thinking by thinking in all/nothing and either/or terms, and over-generalizing by making sweeping judgments about something or someone across the board, using such words as always, never, everybody, and nobody. The problem with the ‘drama queen’ label is that it gives feelings a bad rap, and that’s a dangerous consequence, the key to success is finding that balance so that one doesn’t operate within extremes.
As cliché as it sounds, all feelings are valid and ok, it’s what you do with them that counts. They ain’t right or wrong – they’re just feelings. And those feelings represent a way of communication for us with other people, they represent what we need, what matters to us, and what’s going on with us. They are signals to pay attention to and help us make decisions about what to say and do. Therefore, it’s important to label the emotions we experience.
Once we hear the word ‘Drama queen’, we automatically jump to the bad image of the negative label that describes someone who is over-emotional, irrational and over-the-top with their reactions and interpretations of events. That’s one way to look at it, but drama queens often describe themselves as very passionate and sensitive, they communicate in an over magnified, exaggerated, out of proportion way, with a touch of ‘unique’ characteristics like extreme sensitivity, jumping to negative conclusions, thinking the worst about everything, moody, prone to overreacting, taking things out of context, impulsive, flamboyant, and the list goes on. These are, of course, stereotypical qualities that apply in general; however, the defining feature would be the exaggerated sense of being simply reactive. Drama queens kind of people share common distorted thinking styles that lend them to react to situations the way they do, namely catastrophizing; creating worst-case scenarios, and mindreading by assuming they know what others are thinking without having the evidence to back it up, or black-and-white thinking by thinking in all/nothing and either/or terms, and over-generalizing by making sweeping judgments about something or someone across the board, using such words as always, never, everybody, and nobody. The problem with the ‘drama queen’ label is that it gives feelings a bad rap, and that’s a dangerous consequence, the key to success is finding that balance so that one doesn’t operate within extremes.
As cliché as it sounds, all feelings are valid and ok, it’s what you do with them that counts. They ain’t right or wrong – they’re just feelings. And those feelings represent a way of communication for us with other people, they represent what we need, what matters to us, and what’s going on with us. They are signals to pay attention to and help us make decisions about what to say and do. Therefore, it’s important to label the emotions we experience.
And the thing about those feelings is that we choose how to feel; nobody makes us feel a certain way, and conversely, we cannot change other people’s feelings. Our reactions to situations are to some extent within our control. Those feelings demand recognition and should not be “stuffed” within or without some kind of healthy outlet for release, they can contribute to stress, medical and mental health issues, interpersonal problems, and lead to self-destructive behaviors to self-medicate against their effects.
So, there must be some good side for being a drama queen, no? There sure is! For one, the general over-caring drama queen-ish act can carry out some feelings of love and affection, it might be the driving force for a strong stable relationship where fights is the power that makes the couple even stronger. Another one of those pros is active planning that pays off sometimes. While drama queens often base their decisions on futuristic events, that can cause to presumptions, and that leads to some kind of foreseen planning, which by its turn, sometimes, leads to something good as an outcome!
So, there must be some good side for being a drama queen, no? There sure is! For one, the general over-caring drama queen-ish act can carry out some feelings of love and affection, it might be the driving force for a strong stable relationship where fights is the power that makes the couple even stronger. Another one of those pros is active planning that pays off sometimes. While drama queens often base their decisions on futuristic events, that can cause to presumptions, and that leads to some kind of foreseen planning, which by its turn, sometimes, leads to something good as an outcome!
'...the general over-caring drama queen-ish act can carry out some feelings of love and
affection'
But again, some people don’t want to be designated as “Drama queen”-ish, so here are some quick tips for keeping your feelings “in-check” so they don’t bubble-over and create some serious problems:
-Take some ‘Time-Out’ before reacting to anything and pay attention to the sensations you feel in your body that signal upset developing to gain clarity and perspective about any incidents.
-Keep a journal! It’s fun and it’s a great way to document your journey through life.
-Try to set up a pattern for those situations that might get your feelings off the edge, and try to imagine a solution by restructuring those situations and doing some problem-solving on your own.
-Monitor your self-talk and pay close attention to the situations that you start to dramatize and over-generalizing thoughts and beliefs, and try to avoid them in the future.
-During one of the moments when you feel like you’re being dramatic, try to ask yourself: Is this a real threat that I need to freak about like this? Is it possible that I’ll be able to cope with it? What’s the worst possible scenario? You’d be surprised by some of the situations that are usually turned into a nuclear-war alike incident that could’ve been easily avoided.
-Do some soul searching! Look for the reason behind your outbursts, what do you hope to accomplish or gain through that? Stress relief, or probably a sense of power? Or is it the constant search for attention? Try to find alternate ways of getting these needs met.
-Being over-dramatic could be a way of asking your partner to give more attention to you, or giving you attention they’re not providing in the first place, so get working on those communication skills!
-Take some ‘Time-Out’ before reacting to anything and pay attention to the sensations you feel in your body that signal upset developing to gain clarity and perspective about any incidents.
-Keep a journal! It’s fun and it’s a great way to document your journey through life.
-Try to set up a pattern for those situations that might get your feelings off the edge, and try to imagine a solution by restructuring those situations and doing some problem-solving on your own.
-Monitor your self-talk and pay close attention to the situations that you start to dramatize and over-generalizing thoughts and beliefs, and try to avoid them in the future.
-During one of the moments when you feel like you’re being dramatic, try to ask yourself: Is this a real threat that I need to freak about like this? Is it possible that I’ll be able to cope with it? What’s the worst possible scenario? You’d be surprised by some of the situations that are usually turned into a nuclear-war alike incident that could’ve been easily avoided.
-Do some soul searching! Look for the reason behind your outbursts, what do you hope to accomplish or gain through that? Stress relief, or probably a sense of power? Or is it the constant search for attention? Try to find alternate ways of getting these needs met.
-Being over-dramatic could be a way of asking your partner to give more attention to you, or giving you attention they’re not providing in the first place, so get working on those communication skills!
So after all, here is a cure for drama-queenitis! Just be open to and identify your feelings, seek healthy channels in order to release your emotions, and find ways to strike a balance with them and logic to create a more level and stable emotional posture. You and your partner as a couple can support each other and try to understand the underlying feelings and dynamics at play underneath your conflicts because there is a special meaning behind this whole drama. In addition, make sure to take an appraisal of your life history and begin to heal any past hurts that you might be projecting into your relationship that could take the form of dramatization. If either you (or your partner) have any difficulties understanding the language of emotions, try to read books on emotional intelligence and resiliency. Applying these strategies can help modulate your emotions and promote a much happier personal life and let the drama be served up at the theatre instead!
Read more articles for MJ:
-Read MJ's article on skinny vs. muscled steretype in the gay community 'The Eternal Struggle of Desire'. December 2011 (here>)
-MJ's article "The Homophobic Note-Box" discusses the issue of homophobia and the media's mirrored reflection on the unconscious tolerance toward the issue of homophobia. (here>)
- Article “Cash This Homo, when money buys sexuality” MJ discusses the issue of straight people who go up for homosexual prostitution, it’s history and the life on the streets. The October Issue of 2009 (here>)